Feeling

It feels like a lifetime ago now when you first walked into my life, part of me wants those days back, those days when nothing mattered but you, nothing but me, when days were bright and long and nights were enchanting. When I went to bed and slept peacefully for I knew the dawn would come and you would be there. You walked into my life holding that golden key, that one that I had spent years searching for and eventually gave up, thinking that my heart would simply remain as it was.......... unlocked/bound/blocked.

I didn't know what love was, forever i had watched many movies and wondered what it would feel like to be that girl in the movie, to be the one in love. Was love an emotion? Did you feel it? Was it something that you felt in your stomach, your brain, your chest? I didn't understand it, that was until.....you came along. Your laugh, your smile, your eyes, the way they spoke a thousand words, was it real? were you even real? I look back now and think for it was just a dream for something like this at arms length seems to surreal? really was it real? are you even real?

You came equipped with that key, you unlocked that part to me that i had managed oh so successfully to keep hidden for years, that part of me that I wasn't about to reveal to anyone, somehow you came along and opened that door that held my heart in one...i STARTED to feel again, to love people, to love myself, to believe in myself.I felt alive, like anything was possible, like finally even i was having my moment, my chance at life. For i did not plan nor imagine this moment, for it just happened right before my eyes, before i could do anything to stop it, as quickly as you walked in, you walked out and here i stand ..looking around, trying to find the pieces, my heart is no longer locked away, instead its scattered all over the place, i am trying desperately to find the pieces so i can put it back together again, moments of searching and collecting pieces,only for you to say hello and i drop them again, they fall out of my hands and under my feet, how did i drop them, it wasn't meant to happen, again the collection starts, vicious cycle...i need to collect them and hold them close...i need to not let them drop each time you walk through the door.

My interests have slowly deterred, i don't want to go out, i want to stay under the covers all day long, but that too hurts, drinking coffee is no longer fun, food doesn't taste the same, my nights drag on and don't seem to end, although i must be brave, that too seems like too much, sometimes i wonder would it have been better to not have seen, that to have felt and dropped and broken?