We sat side by side in class, the day I met you and was placed in your lodge group, i decided that I would make an effort to be nice., You see my past with men has not always been one of love and comfort, to be completely honest, i couldnt stand the male species. Coming out of a broken relationship, I had decided the pain after it, was not worth the euphoria I endured throughout the short time in romantc bliss and was not going to allow another man in close enough to be able to cause me that kind of pain again. So I simply decided to not go past hello with the male species. The wall was tall, and nothing could break it down...that was nothing except god.....
Ohhh if only I had known I would fall so fast, if only i could see this, i am not so sure I wouldve stepped into it. It started by simply discussing assignments, you adding in a joke here and there, and one that I totally understood. It was like suddenly someone who seen the world through the same lens as me. Who understood the world a lot like me, who had walked a similar path to me, and yet who could make me laugh at the drop of a coin. Oh how, I didnt realise, that day after day I would go to school and suddenly look forward to it. Suddenly I didnt dread group assignments, but rather looked forward to them, I looked forward to us sitting there whilst we pretended to work on our assignment and joked about how annoying the teacher was. ignring the rest of the group, it was like we were in our own little world and didnt care what they saw or thought about us laughing all day. You told stories that had me in bowled over in laughter, and use any excuse to talk to you, at the time it sure didnt occur to me, the reasoning behind it. The way you would laugh at the silly things I said, the way you would walk over and really care about what it was that I had just mumbled and walked away, you wanted to know what i had said, it mattered, you wanted to know what I was thinking and why. You remembered things I had said in the past, remembered what my plans were that day, took notice of things others had not.
Our graduation, we went out, we had some wine, we laughed we talked, we completely forgot there were other people in the room, the night was just perfect. We discussed life, our views, our beliefs and made complete fun of ourselves. I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun and sat alone with a male for such a long time. It was euphoric...again that euphoria. The night ended perfectly and we both went home, nothing romantically or physcially taking place. I woke up the next day, feeling like i had taken some sort of drugs, how was it that I felt so high? What was this feeling? It was no longer a fairytale being concocted in my head, but a physical response my body was having to whatever it was that was emotinally going on. I googled.....feeling of love and got, euphoric state, person respondsa little lik they are on amphetimines.....there was my answer...i had fallen in love. in fairytle love, something that didnt happen with a checklist, something that didnt happen with a dinner date and me assessing every quality this person did or did not possess, but by me being me without expectations of acception, WITHOUT limitation and pretense. Me accepting him without thinking about his flaws nor what kind of husband he would make, because quite honestly, that never crossed my mind, to me he was just a friend and a human being and I was getting to know him as an individual...and at the same time, someone come along, who liked that me for me...and him being him, somehow these two personalities clicked due to their natural state........Oh how divine it was...that I had finally fallen in love and suddenly the world looked differently and i looked forward to getting out of bed even more each day, knowing a text from you or a word from you would definitely have me laughing on my way to school....I expected it, but someone beat me to it and now you love and belong to them.....and I wait..being myself hoping mr right will come along and you were just a prerequisite.
was the pain worth the fall? Yes, becauase I learnt an important lesson. Always be yourself, and have no expectations of other people, that way when you find that you two have the most amazing, utter fun together, the fact that he only has four fingers instead of five doesnt matter. Becauswe you love him for how he makes you feel, not for how many gucci bags he can buy you. When you sittng at home with all your handbags and feel empty inside because the one you love is a supplier of money not love, life isnt what it should be....until next time. A thought.Be yourself, and be open to everyone.
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