TO LOVE ONESELF

"The Gestalt theory of change posits that the more we attempt to be who or what we are not, the more we remain the same...we change when we become aware of what and who we are ... it's important to be as fully as possible in our current position, rather than striving to become what we 'should be'."

I subscribe to the theory that no one can BE you as well as you. i think we are all created so uniquely and intricately but are too busy looking at the flaws that we miss the precious things about ourselves, those that have been deposited in us on the day we were created, those things that we have, that others dont...

No matter how annoying, stupid, different, or strange we may think or feel that we are, we have something to offer the world and should not at any cost, strip ourselves of the privledge to do so. What you might find awkward and weird about yourself, another may totally appreciate and love, it just be the fresh breeze they needed to come into their life. If you were just like them, you would go un-noticed, no one likes same, it becomes stale. In a world where conformity and status is highly regarded, stand out and be yourself, bring something new and innovative to the table and soon you will see that others too will jump onto the bandwagon. We will begin to experience colour and light and freedom like never before. The freedom of not having to constantly strive or act, but to freely dance in the rain, without a second thought, to live in that moment and totally enjoy it, because really as a friend said to me the other day, this isn't a rehearsal, life is the real thing...you dont get a second chance, do you really want to wake up at 80 and think oh my gosh, I really want to go out and dance in the rain...like I wish I had when I was 18 but was too afraid of what others would have thought of me, now my bones are frail and and my legs wont hold me up...live people...live....be yourself.....if its not accepted by others, that's fine, like Kurt Cobain once said...its better to be hated for who I am than LOVED for who I AM NOT! There is so much truth and power in that.

Loved or Hated as long as we have the love of god and ourselves, we cant go wrong. There's freedom in walking down the street and just being...let the world watch, even laugh...because on the inside you know that you are free, whilst theyre left rehearsing every word, following every trend, trying and striving and constantly reaching for something completely unattainable, no porsche, nor house on the hills overlooking the ocean not even that GORGEOUS PRADA bag I so want....is able to give you the freedom like god can....and you need to take hold of that and begin to walk in it.... right here, right now ......the freedom of embracing and loving yourself...before anyone else can....How do you expect others to believe and love you, if you dont love yourself? Its hard to sell a product that you dont believe in...start today, start believing in yourself. God didnt make a mistake when he made you, he gave you those qualities as bizarre and strange as you may feel or think they are for a reason.....to give back to the world...to add colour and life to a world that is lacking, to open the eyes of the blind...xx
Much Love S.

College....

Oh how some days I really miss college, chapel and our ener-chai's. I really miss when that clock would hit 10.00am and we would run out for a break. I really miss walking into the presence of god in chapel, running slightly late and trying really hard not to trip on those stairs as I walked down whilst everyone else was immersed in worship. I REALLY miss those ridiculously high boots would wear to school because they kept my legs warm throughout winter, I really miss those sandwiches, after running late and skipping breakfast, waiting patiently for the clock to strike 11.00am and I run out and get a sandwick, toasted, chicken tandoori with an ener-chai to wash it down, I really miss my straws, I realy miss lugging around that coffee all day with that stupid straw in it, i even miss spillin it all over me and my paperwork. What i miss the most is the friendships, the laughs, the jokes and all the coffee we shared, the inspiration you imparted, the future we discussed, our husbands, that hope, god, his presence and our prayers. Ohhh college what an amazing time. And I wish I could say and the boys we perved on but.....we didnt! There were no darn boys to perve on...actually maybe that was the problem, they were all boys and no men!! Hhashahahaha! Oh wait...there were a few...Just a couple.

Driving home from Corrinas house, all the way from Penrith on a few hours sleep, exhausted, and drained with 17 assignments to go, and due in in approximately 2 days. Sitting in the library and completing them all. Rushing to the coffee line straight after class to collect our coffee before we walk into class. Writing notes in class, drawing away whilst pretending to listen, when really we were counting down the minutes till 10.00am and looking at each other if the teacher went past 10.00am thinking..."doesnt she know we get a break now?" "its past 10am??" what's she doing??? We need a break dude. Jumping up and down to air guitar

The mornings would start with car pulls with Tony, poor Tony waiting in the carpark on many occasions as we ran late, Kings Cross in the early mornings with my juices, coffee stops, food stops and work stopoffs. Ohhhh how much fun. Living in the norhtern beaches, waking up to peanut butter toast and a view over south curl curl beach..ohh what a view. The early mornings of sheer peace in that house, ohh how peaceful. Drained yet still trying to get to class, but really wanting to skip and sleep in all day long, to enjoy the beach adn simply do nothing. Going home after a long day of class, shaking from the lack of food, but napping away in the dark room, curtains drawn, drifting off to a peaceful sleep, waking up to work on assessments. Oh the days of college.

how sweet, filled with growth and friends. Support and love we shared, we grew, we laughed, we cried, we made memories. Things were shed, others broken, lives changed, never to be the same again. College was a time of growth, of love discovered, of hearts opened, broken, and restored. God was there, he moved, he shifted and softened even the hardest of hearts. His presence felt, love shared, hopes revived, dreams alive, he was there. He opened, shifted and sealed the works. People we revived and the past left behind. Hurts healed. Thank you god for that time. 8 months which felt like a lifetime. A lifetime of hurt, pain, rejection and disappointment, healed and restored within that time. Moved and moved beyond expectation, Hearts healed. Joy restored. We danced and laughed again.

Confidence regained the way he intended it to be when he formed you in your mothers womb, before the hurls of fire from this world that had left you scarred. With one touch of his hand, he wiped away the pain and the scar, fresh new heartbeats and skin, insides coming alive again. Oh how you reign. Work that could not have been completed without you LORD OH LORD. Amazing god who deserves all the praise. AMEN!

Borrowed.

So this one goes out to all of the people how have been broken but have been strong enough to let go. For the people who have hurt so badly that they felt they could never love again, but kept their head up. For those who feel like going back to their old lover would put all the pieces back where they belong and everything would fit, but accept the cold hard truth instead. For the people that learn from their mistakes and never stop moving forward, even when they take two steps back. For the people that wish loneliness wasn't a part of them, but put up with it anyhow. For the people that are okay with taking up all of the room in the bed, even if sometimes it feels a little empty. For the people who wake up in the morning with no missed calls, but smile anyway. For the people that periodically miss the past, but are so much more excited for the future. For the people that have wounds still healing. For the people that have so much tied to their past relationship, but break those chains to start fresh. For the people that want to look back so badly, but focus on the road ahead. For the people that pick up the phone so tempted to call, but keep their dignity in tact instead. For the people that never wanted to let go, but had to. For the people that still believe in love even after all of the hurt their heart has endured.

For all the people that gave up not because they were weak, but because most times it's better just to let go.

This one is for you. We'll get our happy ending someday.

THIS IS NOT MY WRITING...CANT REMEMBER WHERE I FOUND IT,,,,,BUT FELL IN LOVE WITH ITS TRUTH

Valentines Day Love

I could use a litre of mac right now combined with some nurofen plus, perhaps some sedatives and maybe an entire bottle of vodka combined with some legal mind altering drugs. How’s that?

Can you come up with one of those concoctions and still have me alive and feeling A-Ok tomorrow morning? And.........

I HATE VALENTINES DAY...not to draw attention to it, but for some reason that day always makes me cringe. Every year is another excuse for the freaks to resurface!! Its like its valentines day, and I wouldn’t otherwise try to contact you and be rejected again, but this ridiculous day gives me an excuse to!!!!!!! Stupid day! Why on earth was it invented????? I don’t care enough to know. It makes me cringe as much as twilight and I AM BEING A HATER TODAY.

Maybe this year, I will use it to have a boozy lunch with those I love the most in my life...
I was told by a dear friend to immerse myself in the fantasty of Twilight...my response was _______________!!!! NO! I have enough fantasy going on in my head that I could write a kick ass script that would blow twilight right off the box office. If i put my past, present and foreseeable (if my prayers are answered and all works fine) future on paper, I think I could come up with a pretty smashing storyline don’t you? Hahah..no more said. End of discussion. I wish not to open my life up for discussion.

Diamond in the Rough

Ok ...after Funda’s mention of Mr Doherty and ...... in the sheer boring after dark hours of my life, I decided to partake in some harmless internet stalking in an attempt to find out more about this rock star. My search has resulted in many things, one being, beneath the grease, slurring, shaking, cigarette bottle holding heroin induced body...there is a deeply emotional and intelligent artist, suppressed only by his not so moderate drug use. His lyrics, that voice and some of the content that comes out of his mouth in most interviews....is deeply INTELLIGENT!!!! Such a gentle , down to earth soul in need of some major TLC.

Ohh I THINK i might have just fallen in love for the 1ST TIME this week, that’s a rarity for me.. 

Do you agree?

Perhaps instead of college/church I should be hanging outside methadone clinics!! Volunteering to clean up ......human trainwrecks!! New pastime!!

FREEDOM

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free

...experiencing immense freedom in many areas of my life after being held and bound. This particular night I felt so free, all I wanted to do was run around like I was ten again. Freely climb fences, without worrying about breaking my YvesSaintLaurent heels, or tearing my Bec and Bridge Tee. I just wanted to let go of everything adult, including the fears and worries that increase with age. I wanted to be as careless as a ten year old who knows nor fears about the things of this world. I stepped out and did that, and something broke in my heart, god released me, as an adult, I now walk in childlike faith, knowing god is bigger than the things of this world, and Jesus did indeed come to see us free. Free from our fears, insecurities and worries.. To put our faith in something bigger than the words people speak, the money our jobs pay or the precious clothes in our wardrobe that we put our faith in to make us feel great and aesthetically appealing. ++ Blessings ++

Boots iheart

These captured my heart...the search is on to locate a pair...