Oreo

Oreo, Oreo,

Tantalizing, breathtaking Oreo.

Watching you sit in your pretty little package is making me hungry, so hungry its painful. My stomach feels a deep longing and emptiness each time I see your perfect little biscuit coating. I never knew "love / pain" like this before........Each day as I look over at you, I realise that you are BAD for me and I must keep away from you. You will make me gain weight that I really really don't need at the moment and that i don't have the emotional strength to carry.

I think its fine, then I see that package sitting on the shelf and hear it speak and think.....Why must you sit visibly on my shelf? why cant you be hidden in another place? why must I look at it daily? that makes it harder to fight, that brings back all the emotion, hurt, pain and memories that come with this Eating Disorder I have ........developed............oh how I wish I could indulge in you and connect with you on a deeper level. I look away and think of the REAL beauty around me and how much more that is worth than some indulgent fantasy. and then back it goes, back to my thoughts i start to think how divine things could be if only I could relax and eat and not worry about the future or how I will feel tomorrow...but I cannot and will not, and until your expiry date is up, I have to sit here and watch and listen and hear and not indulge......and watch as everyone else indulges in that soft centre, only found once you get past the hard exterior of thick, dark, chocolate...oh how at times I wish.....it was easier to turn away and pretend it wasn't there. To not freeze and listen and watch it all day long, to not feel a longing or desire or attachment to it....oh how I wish it would just go away and leave me alone!!

I think I am doing just fine, refusing it, not eating it and then suddenly, from the corner of my eye, I get a glimpse of it, or suddenly hear it call my name, and all my inhibitions go flying out the window, my no's turn to yes's and suddenly before I know I am back there again, looking at the pretty package, holding it, wanting to open it again and devour the entire lot, BUT i know I can't. I know I can only look, listen and not touch or engage with it, because the minute I do, I will want it all and not want to give it back. Sweet Sweet food, why do you have to look and sound so tempting, why couldn't chocolate cake be un-enticing? Why is it that some people are lucky enough to take home the entire package? and freely indulge and not even realise how lucky they are to be eating this amazing food, they don't even see how amazing it is...not even taking their time to properly examine what they're eating, but rather taking it for granted, shoving it in their bag, and throwing it around like nothing....and others well? They just stare and wonder
and think what if? What if I could? .. I wonder.....

is it because there is an organic cake I can eat, somewhere, being prepared by the most amazing chef in the whole wide world, its just in the process of being made, because the most amazing things always take the longest to make. The baker must take fine care with it, it cannot be rushed or artificial, but made with the finest ingredients found on this earth and beyond, this my friend, takes time of searching and once found preparing the ingredients so delicately, that they will come out just right, this is why when the chef sees our daily lives, structures and minds change, tweaks this recipe each time and this my friend is why we wait.....because the finest, hand-made organic cake, is being prepared just for us, ONE made to order and it is yet to come!!