MUSIC

she stands lost and broken
alone in a world so dark
masked by your voice in a land so far
what once was close and near now gone

the beat brings me closer
the darkness engulfs, envelopes
it hangs over dawn

the beat is loud, it is clear, it is drumming in my ear
I hear such a sound and through the dark it breaks
rays of light it creates
A better day it makes, the beat alone
makes me feel like i have come home
this is where I long to be
this day is one i would enjoy to see
the music it feeds my soul
makes me feel complete and whole
another dimension it takes me now,

GOD, you're my last chance of the day,
I spend the night n my knees before yu
Put me on your salvation agenda,
take notes on the trouble I'm in,
I've had my fill of toruble;
I'm camped on the edge of hell.
I'm written off as a lost cause,
one more statistic, a hopeless case
Abandoned as already dead
one more body in a stack of corpses
And not so much a gravestone
I am in a bottomless pit
I'm battered and senseless

I call to you GOD;all day I call
I wring my hands, I plead for help
I'm standing my ground god, Shouting for help,
at my prayers every morning
Why do you make yourself scarce
For as long as I remember i've been hurting
I'm bleeding black and blue
Attacked at every side
Abandoned, feeling the only friend is darkness

Your LOVE GOD, is my song, and I'll sing it!
Your love has always been our lives foundation
I'm forever telling everyone how faithful you are,
Faith is the only thing I hold on to, the reason I breathe,
The very reason I believe for a better day
You build the cosmos and everything in it GOD
You are capable of moving through this darkness, through this mess, this unfortune


I believe GOD, I stand on FAITH, it's the only thing holding my soul together
and my feet on solid ground, it is the only solid I have left in my life GOD
I believe GOD ; that enough is enough, that I have suffered long and hard
that it is time for a shift in the universe, one where things start to turn around
and the dreams and plans you have for me turn to light
they start to come to life GOD

Courage

Wishing it was,
Accepting it isn't
Looking back, but slowing stepping forward
Wanting desperately to cling on,
but slowly letting go
wanting and needing, pressing in
but in need of pushing out and away
letting go of what was
and accepting what is

Thank You
for helping me see a better day
for allowing me to laugh like I haven't in a very long time
For showing me its possible to laugh again
for allowing me freedom to be myself
For loving the very rare and precious things about me
For making me laugh - for making me dance to the beat of love again
Thank you for showing me that being me is ok and for me being thevery thing you love about me
I need to walk, I need to learn how to talk how to be again

This was something I had waited, prayed and imagined my whole life and finally here you were standing here right before my very eyes. This was it, it was really happening I had finally fallen in love.

The feeling was so strong that I couldn't be around it anymore. It consumed my every thought and engulfed my entire body. It was good and bad at the same time. The wanting, the desire the longing, but yet the inability to have. Instead of just living with what it was, I ran, I ran so fast and pulled everything around me apart. Now here I stand, life out of hand, shattered, regreting, missing, wanting, needing you and everything that was. I was finally finding out who I was and becoming comfortable in me. Days were a routine, breakfasts, lunches, dinners, engaging all my senses and then there was you. and everything you brought.

You challenged my knowledge, my humour and kept me on my toes. My wit finally had a place it could call home. Finally a place it could be as free as it wanted to be and every day was a full and enlightening day - something I had not previously known. Finally I seen that life can be good and fun at the same time, but I couldn't deal with it, it all become too much, knowing, needing wanting, unable to have...

You told me what I did and didnt want to hear. How dare you. You spoke truth and lies - so honest - so real yet so surreal.

Path

I am enveloped with darkness.
The girl who I once knew I feel is gone.
I feel another part of me has resurfaced - one I haven't encountered before.
I feel like I need a manual, I am lost, deep dark in a forest without a map or a compass.
It's dark, I keep stumbing my foot on the ground beneath me as I can't see what's there, I have no more energy to fight what engulfs me.
I can't stand, I can't walk, my legs feel weak, and it hurts it really hurts, it aches.
I can't see ahead, I keep looking back, perhaps if I go back the way I came
I might see something familiar and it might just work, it might just be the way out of this forest.

My head hurts, my brain aches, my back is sore from constantly twisting to look back. I need to find my way out of it and some how walking ahead doesn't seem to be the answer, instead turning round and going back to where I was before this does. It can't be. But it has to be. I cant see ahead, but back I think I can find a way I can retrace my footsteps and go back there, back to that familiar lit and comfortable place. One where I was ok and everything was finally starting to come together again, but I ran, ran again and ran so long, so far and so fast in search of something more, not contet, not satisfied yet again, in search of something, ran from the pain instead of dealing with it, and now I find myself in an unfamilar place, a path I haven't walked on before, I am alone, its dark and its cold and I am lost. God help me find the way, help me see where to go. I can't even find a way out.